I’ve recently felt like I’ve lost a bit of myself
August 22, 2025 (Friday)
I didn’t sleep much yesterday but I feel fine. I kept waking earlier than normal but ended up just getting up at 5 am. Yesterday was good. I stuck to woodworking most of the day, but didn’t end up editing, but that’s okay. Zoe wanted to do a deal or no deal style birthday surprise for me. I end up getting a wood show, which I have already been to, and it was “ok.” We decided to make a new deal for a cake, something else (I think a movie/popcorn) and $50 for shopping. I’m very lucky to have Zoe; she gets excited to do this stuff for me, which is very nice. The only downside is that I feel bad I’m not returning the love. Maybe I get a pass because I’m a guy, but I do want to do this kind of stuff for her… she deserves it. I’ve recently felt like I’ve lost a bit of myself, let me explain: I used to be much more social, loving, caring, and just more involved in everything. Now I have some theories, 1. I’m just getting older, which is fine if so, 2. It’s my meds, which is so great because they’ve helped a lot, but what’s more important?… 3. I am hyper-focused on me and my future for once, which is good to a degree. I shouldn’t lose all my relationships to hyper focusing. It kind of feels like I have though… I only really have Zoe…
Kyle, Ryan, Sonny, and Amy are literally the only others who come to mind, and that’s only because (about to pull a Zoe, sorry if you’re reading this) A. I’ve recently spoken to them, or B. I’ve recently (or will soon be) seeing them. The problem ultimately is me. I don’t reach out or even plan to hang out with them. The guys are coming up tomorrow, but Zoe planned it. Zoe, Amy, and I are going to Hedex soon, and Amy was the one who asked me.
Now, my only theory that comforts me is that I just have different interests. Sure we may share some, but recently my main focus doesn’t match any of theirs. IDK, I feel like a bad friend, and I’ll be friendless once I’m older. Maybe I’ll find new ones through content creation or now living in up north. I should still try to be better to the ones I have now. I guess it’s something I should be working on. I just wish they’d understand.
