If I have to get a job and do Youtube.

August 21, 2025 (Thursday)

I spent most of my day yesterday editing. I feel some sort of usefulness in this video. Slightly an obligation to make it great but also confidence in it's sucsses. I started reading a new book called "Material". It has something interesting about it, but also has something too psychological, or something, about it. Today I feel good, I feel like I have a lot to do, but no real rush. When I think of going back to work, like Brinq or working for someone it makes me feel off. I hope that means on the right path. I'm just so nervous that I'll have no choice but to get a job to survive. My biggest worry is not being able to commit to YouTube if I do go back. Does that mean I'm not committed enough, or will just be too drained? Like the right thing to do is to be grinding now while I have some money and time to have the best chance of success, but I'm not; I'm stopping around 2 pm-4 pm when I could keep going. Could or should? It makes me feel lazy or irresponsible. I used to push for a video a week, now I feel like I'm making the excuse that I'd rather make one great video than 2 good, but I feel like I made no difference in the product. The only difference is stress, not having a due date does feel good and less rushed, but then there’s stress from not feeling like I'm doing enough. Maybe I'll try a new system. Film videos from 8/9 am until 2-3 pm or whenever I feel like and then spend the evening editing/planning my videos. I just need to make sure I balance that with helping Zoe clean / spend time. I also need to start editing videos, even if they're not done being filmed. Examples like MT’s cutting board would be done if I had not only filmed but also editted. More skin in the game...